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Flog the bastards

Friday, October 14, 2005
The problems:
1) prisons are overcrowded
2) minor offenses are being let go completely because there's no room for the offender
3) juvenile offenders go more or less unpunished because they're young and don't know better

The "Burton Solution":
Flog 'em all. Seriously. There is little more that is good for society than flogging and forgiving. Give the criminal some scars to remember their crimes by, and they let them go. We provide quick medical care afterwards to make sure there's no infections, but otherwise we flog anyone from 12 on up for most small first offenses, such as petty drug crimes, knocking over a liquor store, big bar-room brawls, etc. Serious criminals get the lock-down, but this way we give keep them seperate from the criminals that are just tyring it.

What really makes this plan special is that each flogging is public and televised. No attempt is made to glorify the flogee; in fact, every attempt is made to humiliate and shame them publicly. This way we get to teach them a lesson, rather than letting them hang out and learn more crime tips from each other.

The benefits to this plan are clear: we save a ton of money on prison space and "rehabilitation" for small crimes, while at the same time using a highly effective motivational force to prevent crimes: pain.

So that's my plan, I hope y'all will vote for it when the time comes.


Blogger The Infinite Jester said...

You've been on about this for a few years now. I gotta say, I've yet to find a flaw in the logic.

Hey, remember when we talked about getting you elected to Mayor? What happened to that plan?

4:20 AM, October 15, 2005  
Blogger Burton said...

By an amazing coincidence, I was thinking about the "mayor" thing TODAY! What are the odds?

However, my current "one sure vote" lives in Chicago. What's up with that?

6:18 PM, October 15, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i'd vote for you if you let me do the flogging.

10:17 AM, October 18, 2005  

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